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DEAR ABBY: I found out today that my wife was having sex with a man in another state.
His girlfriend sent me a message, which included a series of screenshots. I had confronted my wife about this before receiving the messages, but she swore that she had only sent a topless photo and nothing else. After reviewing the messages, I saw a lot more.
She claims that she “doesn’t remember everything”, which I find hard to believe.
Worse, they planned to meet. She claims no, but I saw a message saying that as soon as I got back home (we were visiting her parents), she would stay with our son for another week so he could “spend more time with the grandparents” — and she could maneuver to find him.
I can’t believe her based on her repeatedly lying about it.
We have a child together so I don’t want to leave but I am deeply hurt and I don’t trust her anymore. I know you’ll be recommending marriage counseling, but beyond that process, is there anything else I should do?
LOST IN THE EAST
DEAR LOST: Has your wife always been like this or is this behavior new? She appears to be severely allergic to the truth.
Please try marriage counseling if she is willing. However, if she is unwilling, do some counseling without her. And start interviewing lawyers to represent you in what will most likely be a divorce. Without trust, there can be no marriage.
PS Save the messages and pictures that the girlfriend sent you because they can be useful.
DEAR ABBY: I am 59 years old and the oldest of four children. When we were kids, our parents were raging alcoholics. They smoked weed and were barely functioning adults.
As the eldest, I was tasked with looking after and raising the other three, which I did to protect them from my parents’ nonsense.
We were never close to our parents. Our father passed away a few years ago, which left our mother, who has continued to live her life full of alcohol. She was a terrible mother. She never protected us from my father’s verbal and physical abuse. My brother still has nightmares about him.
Now that our mom has dementia, my siblings make a lot of effort to spend time with her. I refuse to have anything to do with her.
My sisters say I should make amends because she won’t live forever. I’ve made peace with all of that and I’m fine without what I never had.
My brothers think I should “get over it” because she can’t remember anything. The fact that she can’t remember doesn’t negate the fact that it happened.
I had a fantastic life and family without her being a part of it. I’m really happy. Am I wrong for standing firm in my decision?
RESOLUTION IN FLORIDA
DEAR RESOLUTE: Just because your mother can no longer remember what a failure she was as a parent doesn’t mean you should magically forget.
She has reached a point where she is beyond any help you can give her. Now it’s time to take care of you. If you feel it’s best to stick with your decision, don’t feel guilty about doing otherwise.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
#Stranger #screenshots #wife
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